Brussels Confidential

A man in a bespoke suit and Dangerous Dog food

I am going out with my best friend Lara tonight. Thursdays are usually hot nights to go out in Brussels. All of the European Commission workers meet at their favourite watering holes and mingle. We go to several hot spots near Schuman and try to mix in. A lot of EU workers fly or train to their home countries Friday afternoon and Thursday is their big weekend night away from family, spouses, kids, responsibilities, true identities.

We usually start at Ralph's where the people-watching is the best. Ralph's happy hour draws the largest crowd of well bred, tall, tanned men in bespoke suits and fine cologne. Admittedly, most of them are snots and snobs, but that's ok. I like to look at their wavy hair smoothed down with expensive hair balms and admire their 'over the top for a 30 year-old' cuff-links. Italians, French, Spaniards, Londoners, Danes. Each surrounded by a gaggle of skinny blonde women from their offices desperately trying to look cool enough to be taken home for the night. Or at least get a few drinks for their efforts. 'Oui, Oui honey, you are an ultra skinny, fashionista, uber-hard-working European, bimbette and no-one else can even touch you. Please don't throw up in my BMW. Merci!

What I love about the place is the fact that Lara and I do nothing and get all the guys. It really irks these women who have been trying ever so hard!

If there is a man from Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria, or Turkey in the place, he can be found hovering around Lara, breathing hot, sweet, sticky breaths. She's like a homing device. She's absolutely gorgeous. Long, glossy, brown hair, deep brown eyes with long lashes and perfect skin, ruby lips and a beautiful smile. She is very tall, rubinesque, soft and feminine all over.

After dancing with the best looking guys in the joint. Lara and I get bored and hop a taxi over to The Wild Geese, The Pub or if we are in a sitting mood, The Hairy Canary. All three are within a block or two and it makes an easy second neighbourhood to hit.

The Geese: A huge meet, meat market. More of the North African Contingent and what seems to be the equivalent of factory seconds in terms of the dating scene. Great music, pick-up lines, crap drinks and usually uninhibited fun.

The Pub: Rugby team headquarters - verra nice - with some hard core drinkers in a loud bar with OK music and my forbidden fruit - a pool table. I have never approached this table with anything less than Minnesota Fats' confidence and never departed the table without my tail between my legs in utter and complete defeat. A star Forward from the Brussels Barbarians Rugby team consoled me once by saying the table was much shorter and the balls lighter than in the US. Thanks cutie. Lara sighs every time I run to the pool table and she hunkers down for some singles badminten against Rugby Scrum Halves with missing teeth and cabbage-y ears.

The Hairy Canary: An Irish pub for drinkin' and sittin'. Excellent music. Nice chit chat. Older, yet approachable men. Intelligent conversation to a point. As a permanent fixture - An attractive, Brit named Peter who does some sort of security around the commission - in a nice suit and tie. He mumbles alot and we all think he does something rather James Bond-ish. He is (of course) absolutely in love with Lara, but is too shy to talk to her. So he's always over my shoulder, asking me questions he could and should be putting directly to her.

So, those are the options for tonight. I have to go home and do something important first though. Last night I found a one and half inch plastic spear in Bunny Dog's freshly opened can of food. I will call the dog food company and let them know. I can't tell you what this may have done to my Jack Russell had he swallowed it. I think, no matter where we end up tonight, it will be on my mind.

posted by Brussels Confidential @ 11:12 AM