The Fantasy
Someone once asked me where the fantasy came from about wanting a man in the kitchen wearing an apron and bearing gifts of chicken and champagne. I said 'Where most fantasies come from... real life'.Long ago, Aussie girl came to town and as usual, we went out with Lara to do some damage to Brussels. Around that time, I happened to have been e-mailing with a man on the xpats web site and since I had never met him, I thought it safe to ask him to meet me in public armed with my best line of defence - the girls.
Of course, when he walked in the door - we all knew instantly he was the e-mail guy. One of those losers wearing an over-the-top, mustard couloured, tweedy European sport coat. He had three strands of hair neatly pulled across his bald pate. He had - I am serious here- teeth like a meat grinder - and a nose like the wicked witch of the East in the Wizard of Oz. Don't get me wrong - I am really not THAT shallow. But, he was snotty and pompous so he had to go - if you want my opinion - well of course you do :-))
Anyway, as he sat there and patronised us to death, I got rolled eyes and sighs from my girls - all the not-so-secret signals - to give this guy the heave-ho, boot, Heisman, shove - - basically - anything to get rid of him. I tried various tactics to send him along his way. Nothing worked, he wasn't moving. OK - I'm guessing he's been in the company of 3 attractive ladies about 1 time in his life counting this one so he's not going to let this situation pass him by.
I had an idea. I left the table to powder my nose. When I came back 3 minutes later, something happened. What happened put me down in the Girls Out at Night Record Book under the section titled Expert and creative ways to ditch a looser.
A handsome young man in a nice dark blue suit came up to the table and kissed me on the cheek - As any old friends would greet one another. He then asked Lara how she was 'Lara, so nice to see you. How are you?' and to Aussie - 'Oz - when did you get in to town from London?'
I wish I had a camera - both Lara and Aussie girl momentarily froze, mouths wide open. Neither of them knew this guy. I could see Lara sort of thinking back - 'hmm... where did I meet him, have I met him? ...no.' It was only a couple seconds - but then they caught on. He was a plant. And he had friends :-))
He gestured over to a large group of very handsome men in suits and nice sport coats who all waved from across the bar and called out our names, and came over for pleasant 'Hello's'. I was instantly elevated to mistress of the conniving world. And I had chosen a master to carry out the ruse.
This lovely man, Diederik - the handsome, young lawyer- did everything perfectly. He suggestively asked if I had to get up early in the morning, wink wink. He draped his arm around me. He had his friends fawn over the girls. And ever so cleverly, he ignored xpat snaggle-tooth who was sitting there completely incensed. Finally sabre-toothed snarlmouth gave up and left. Whew. I didn't hear from him again. Darn.
Yeah, I know. I could have been an adult about it all and told the guy I didn't fancy him and that I wanted to be alone with the girls - goodbye. I could have been honest and mature and pleasant and considerate. I could have...oh.... that's too hard and no fun....
Besides, what I got were 8 men all over 6'3. Trim, handsome, smart, witty, funny, and best of all fun.
I had gone over to this group of hotties and shouldered my way right in the middle of the bunch. All armed with fresh beers they looked down at me and wondered what I was doing barging in to their huddle. They were quite intrigued and if I may say so - I had 'it' that night so they were willing to play my game.
I spoke softly, but quickly.
'OK guys, I need your help. Operation get the loser to leave our table'.
Instantly Diederik took command of the operation. He's so sly.
Within a minute he got all the information he needed and sent me back to my table to await their performance. It was brilliant.
Ok - enough of all that - we drank a bunch of cocktails with them - one guy who looked like a movie star from the 40's was practically drooling over Aussie girl.
I was fortunate enough to see Diederik several times after that for one-on-one consultations.
One night, after a particularly long travel day, he called to ask me what I wanted to do that night. Honestly, I was so tired of travelling and still had another hour on the train from Den Haag. I told him that I wanted to come home to a man in my kitchen wearing nothing but an apron. I said I wanted the man to be holding a roasted chicken in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. He asked me 'what would you go for first? The man the chicken or the bubbly?'
You know me by now.....
I said 'the chicken' !
That night I got home from the train station weary and worn. The doorbell rang. There was Diederik - and guess what I got that night.
A man in my kitchen wearing nothing but an apron. A roasted chicken in one hand and a cold bottle of very good champagne in the other. I also got a dance, a strip-tease, a smile on my face and a headache the following morning!
So, I will forever find that image extremely sexy and I will always go for the chicken first.
posted by Brussels Confidential @ 2:01 PM
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