Eat Up
Psychologically, my Mom has avoided using the feeding tube for Dad. She has fought it every step of the way. He's even got one and they haven't resorted to using it. But it's time to get over that mental block and use it. Dad is just not getting stronger. He's only got one more session of radiation today and the chemo is over - logic would mean that he will start to feel better pretty quickly. But logic doesn't play a part in cancer especially when the patient is 83.He needs to keep his energy levels up, but that's pretty darn hard with no fuel. And he can't eat because it's uncomfortable and difficult. And the more he thinks about it the worse it gets. He can sit for hours forcing down the Ensure nutrient shake each morning. Psyching himself in and out of the task. Mom has to come in every 20 minutes or so and nag him - actually, yell is more like it. She's really tried to keep him from being an old invalid and feeling sorry for himself. She sees that as the way down - and when down there, it's hard to turn around and get back up. Sio calls it 'circling the drain'. A lot of our parents and siblings and friends have been dangerously close to 'the drain' lately.
Angel Daniel has been relieved by Angel Norio - my cousin on my mother's side - well, actually my cousin Dorothy's husband. He is a lifesaver too. I cannot think how I will be able to repay their kindness. Norio is retired and my cousin Dorothy offered his services for Dad care. He flew over from Sacramento and has been there a week. Aside from helping Dad get up from the sitting position and chauffeuring him to doctors appointments, he has been on pumping duty. There's been record rainfall in the DC Area and of course, the basement has flooded. Norio has had to keep vigil and go down every few hours and pump with the wet vac. Is there anything else that can go wrong ?
Mom has been so amazing this whole journey. But she is exhausted. She feels like she is tasked with keeping a concentration camp victim alive - except this one refuses to cooperate and whinges at all the food put in front of him. Mom and I were talking about Dad and his vanity the other day - which seems to have worsened through this whole ordeal. I decided if the situation were reversed and Mom was this ill, it would still be all about Dad. He would still talk about the effect it has on his life. And - I would have left work indefinitely because there's no way he could manage things the way she does.
I sent her a special package - just a nice Elizabeth David book - something she can sink her teeth in to. Well written food writing. And best of all, a brown paper package all for her - just because.
posted by Brussels Confidential @ 9:03 AM
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