Jungle Drawer and a Date with the Stig
I am pretty good at doing the chores I promise myself to do. I clear out the garden when I set my mind to it. I wash every single bit of the table linens and put it all away nicely. I throw out newspapers, organize magazines I want to keep and put finished books upstairs in the loft. I do clear out the downstairs closet semi annually - and repaint where and when needed. I am pretty good.
Why for Pete's sake don't I ever get around to sorting out the huge 'jungle drawer' in my closet? It's mayhem. Every morning as I get ready for work, I end up digging through the jungle drawer upper-arm deep for bras, panties and matching socks (the biggest issue). It's insane. It could take up to 30 minutes to match a pair of trouser socks appropriate enough for the outfit and the office. It takes ages to find them in the mountain of lace, pretty prints and elasticised cotton bikini briefs. Every morning I swear to get it done 'this weekend'.
I have a bit of an Imelda Marcos addiction to underwear - pretty panties and stuff. I think it's a throwback to my days working at Victoria's Secret where it was ingrained is us that women deserve luxurious lingerie, sumptuous robes and indulgent, pampery bubble baths just because we are women. (The sales pitch to get professional business women in the door even if they were destined to be single and fugly their whole lives - money talks). The result is, that I sub conscientiously buy lingerie all the time. I have matching bra and panty sets in a lot of different colours, shades of cream and of course, black. Many, many black sets.
I also have this theory that if I purchase 6 sets of trouser socks at a time, I will never not find one or two which match and therefore - no problem. This theory doesn't work. Either there's a magic sock fairy in there who steals my socks or they just get lost in the vortex of elastic, underwired, laced hell and disappear forever. I suspect there's a hole in the back of the drawer but I haven't found it yet - ... if there's a hole in the drawer, why doesn't the mountain of crap get any smaller???
I love wearing skirts - yes I do. I hate sorting through my tights or stockings to dress for skirts. (I do not own or wear PANTYHOSE. Pantyhose are so totally 80s it's insane. I do not see the benefit in wearing 'flesh toned' nylon rubber bands - especially since the makers of panty hose seem to think the shade of 'cinnamon' matches anything in our wardrobes. Sorry - NO offence to those of you who still wear those energising, sheeny, shiny, support control, satiny beige-hued panty hose - really) I do wear cotton and Lycra blend opaque tights or thigh high
stockings. They are classic and clean looking AND right now - they are tangled in a huge snarl in the 'jungle drawer'. Like a snake's wrestling match. The strategy for finding tights or stockings: Find a bit of tights fabric and just pull and pull and hope there's another leg attached.
The real problem is that I buy lots of things that I end up not liking at all. Victoria's Secret made the greatest string bikinis for 20 years and I had hundreds of pairs of them. But they have changed them - they are cheap imitations of what they once were. They are crap now. So I tried all sorts of other brands until I found the perfect one. All of the rejects are perfectly fine and always think I will use them but I don't!
Anyway - I must to clear out the drawer this weekend . I have a date with the Stig and he likes the pale yellow lace set! Whatever the Stig wants, the Stig gets. Welcome to the Jungle.......
posted by Brussels Confidential @ 12:58 PM
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