Brussels Confidential

The Final 4 on MasterChef

Last night I was flipping through channels looking for a cooking programme and I stopped on University Challenge for a few seconds - Hosted by the arrogant and extremely intelligent Jeremy Paxman. The show is like It's Academic, but on a University level - pocket protectors, horn-rimmed glasses and all.

As I clicked over to the show, it was clear that one of the teams had just won a 'starter' question against the other school - having done so they got their own set of bonus questions to answer without competition. 'Please name the Celebrity Chefs who give their names to the following establishments:' Then, a selection of photos appear of buildings - actually - restaurant establishments.

I thought Jeremy Paxman was going to fall off of his throne. They got them all correct. The first one - Gordon Ramsey's place - The second one - one of Rick Stein's restos in Cornwall, and the third one Raymond Blanc's castle somewhere. All extremely expensive and hard-to-get-in-to eating establshments. After their answers, Jeremy Paxman mumbled something resembling - ' bloody hell' and then - 'how on earth did you know those? What type of students ARE you? Going to these expensive restaurants..what is the world coming to?' - mumble mumble mumble - etc etc - 'I never...it's unbelievable!'.

Come on Jeremy Paxman - even someone with a little knowledge of famous chefs can make educated guesses - there are a finite number of celebrity chefs to choose from. Not too hard. It's not unbelievable.

What is unbelievable is the group that John Torode and Gregg Wallace (MasterChef Judges) chose as the 'final 4' on MasterChef Goes Large. Why not change the title to - 'MasterChef Goes Crazy'? OK - they chose one hot-looking guy who can cook really well and should win and will win. He's a babe and the judges are clearly hot for him. He will win. But, just for the fun of it why not pick some other finalists who can actually compete in the, uh, competition...?

Judges:

I know you couldn't risist Dean - he's sexy and a great cook. Our dream come true! But please - keep your hands off the eye candy! At least make it seem as if you are really running a contest. Jeez - keep your eye on the doughnut and not on the hole -know what I mean?

The Indian woman from Gujarat... Hey, you know, I can see on TV that she can cook Gujarati food well - because she has done so on every round of the contest - yeah, she's good - she's made everything in her family banquets repetoire. And she's good at it. She should be - she's been making the same dishes since she was 2. When John said her rice dish was greasy (in her semi-final round) - she said 'That's how I make rice at home - greasy - that's how I eat rice at home. Greasy.' Yeah - okaaay. Wow - let's make her a finalist in a MasterChef contest - why not?

The expensive ingredients guy - the one who wants to be a food writer.. why did you let him go? He cooked better than Gupta Gujarati. So what if he likes to 'push the boat out' as he said in an ever so English way. Truffles, fois gras, caviar - let the man cook! His plates looked professional, he had a lot of interesting and varied regional cuisines represented (not Central Indian tho - that was covered by someone else). He's mastered several difficult techniques and he clearly loves food and loves to cook. Don't penalize a man just because he wants to cook with salsify root and Caciocavallo Podolico cheese. That doesn't make him a bad man. Shame on you Gregg and John.

Another great cook you skipped over for Dal Dhokla, Dal Kaddhi and Khandvi was the pub grub Gourmet. She made home-cooked food from the heart with a flair. She made pot-roast chicken with onions, carrots and the smoothest mash on the side - you ate everything on your plates even though you had to taste many more dishes. You asked yourselves 'Whose food do you want to eat?' And the answer was always - 'Hers'. Be honest. You know you messed up guys.

You left us with a 60 year-old George Segal look-alike - I wouldn't kick him out of my kitchen to be honest, he's kinda cute and pretty good with French food. You left us with a so so - housewife with solid skills who could surprise us - you never know. You left us with Ghengista Gujarati who will not win because she only knows how to make Indian food with 65 spices in each dish fried in red oil - Can't wait to see her on French Pastries in the finals week.

John and Gregg - even though you missed out on a few great cooks which would give us a competition worth watching every night - I will still watch every second and you know it.

Thanks for choosing Dean as a finalist - the hottie, digger-driver with Bambi eyes and a 'ripped' 6-pack chest - that's what I call yummy.

posted by Brussels Confidential @ 12:38 PM