Role over baby
Lately I have had several conversations about gender role reversal. Not so much about career and family stuff, but more about the way men handle relationships and dating. It is a consensus amongst my friends (males and females - of all persuasions included) that women are now taking the alpha role and men the submissive role in many instances.There seem to be more cases of women being the ones to end relationships (do the dumping) or define the next step in the relationship. My friends also agree that men are taking things much more emotionally than ever before.
Not only are men much more clingy and insecure during relationships, they are much more emotionally wrecked after the relationships - often teary and mopey and depressed for far longer than women were.
Many of my friends can either relate or have experienced this phenomenon - dating a guy and having his single and lonely friends interfere, intervene, criticize and critique the whole relationship - It's as if a bunch of Jewish grandmothers were schvitzing over the new single woman at a bar mitzvah. Or like the bickering in a Sorority house on a Sunday morning! Ridiculous.
Many friends have experienced or know of times when men went off the rails completely after a break-up. What happened to the Cary Grant cool -ness - when guys just shrugged off breakups and got back in the dating scene right away - garnering snipes from women for being insensitive cads? Not so now. Now there's multiple phone calls all hours of the day and teary confrontations - along with a bunch of hard knocks from the man's single friends who are feeling the sting of the breakup as well. It used to be more typical for the woman to be seen as the emotional basket case and have spiteful girlfriends protecting their gal pal's honour - not anymore!
Not only did my friends mention a rise in the general emotional responses from men they have known, but a rise in disturbing and often stalker-like behaviour. Several people in my office shared stories of guys who spread vicious rumours about their exes in the dating scene, sent mean text messages and e-mails on a regular basis for months and months. Beverley Hills 90210 all over again!!!
I think this phenomenon worsens with age in this era. When a woman reaches around 40 and is still on the dating scene, they have already been through their ultra emotional 20s and 30s and have resigned themselves to the fact that they may not have children and possibly not get married. Certainly, they don't need the security of a marriage - they are making great money and have good careers. Nice to be married, have a partner, but not a tragedy if it doesn't happen.
However, I think a men start to panic when they are around 40 and not married and/or attached because it scares them to be alone. This used to be a woman's general fear. Not so for professional, successful and resourceful women. I think it used to be a feather in a man's cap to have a wife and kids by a certain age - smacking of a successful masculine provider and protector. I don't think that's the worry for unmarried men around 40 now. I truly think they are emotionally afraid to be by themselves and to really look themselves in the mirror and like what they see. Just my theory!!
Watch out world, me and the gals are going out 'Tie Chasin'' tonight.
posted by Brussels Confidential @ 12:59 PM
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