Life is like a Box of Missing Chocolates
My family has always been a Mother's day, Father's day, and birthday family. My parents insisted that we celebrate each occasion somehow. Birthday's though, are second to Mother's and Father's days by a long shot. Mother's day and Father's day my parents expected full-on productions.
My father grew up as a lonely, only child whose parents often left him in their chi chi apartments at night while they went to the Stork Club or some fancy lounge. I think he craved that wholesome traditional family life that was probably advertised in black and white Time magazines and billboards while he grew up.
Mom was the fifth of 5 children in relatively poor Japanese American family farming and picking fruit for major canning companies in California. Her mother died when she was 5 years old. Her father passed away a few years after they got out of WWII internment camps in the west and south-west of the states.
Somehow, my parents got me and my brother to make breakfast and serve it to them in bed on their special day. We were already dab hands at making breakfast on Saturday's and Sunday's starting from very young. Mom and Dad would lay in bed and let us prepare the breakfast and call them down to the kitchen on a regular weekend. David would make the eggs and bacon or sausage and make toast - because he was 4 years older. I was in charge of setting the table and making the orange juice. Back then you had those small frozen cans of concentrated oj which you emptied into a jug with 3 cans of water. Mix and dissolve the frozen lumps and voila crappy oj. Breakfast is still David's specialty.
Anyway, on the 'occasion' days, they expected the royal treatment. A gift, a flower in a small vase, both nestled next to a nice breakfast served on a tray to them in bed. The alternate parent would take photos. Really.
As the years went along - it was expected that we would perform this duty on each occasion. I think Mom and Dad felt entitled to some special attention on their special days.
My brother became a bit wild and naughty in his early teens and started to branch out of the family patterns. He slept in on Mother's Day or Father's day and would have to be roused angrily. He started to go away or plan things like attending his Civil Air Patrol meetings on Sundays to avoid the guilt of not wanting to make a fuss over Mom and dad. That left me to deal with it myself.
Into adulthood, my brother had almost completely abandoned any participation in these events. We had graduated from serving breakfast in bed on MOther's and Father's day to going out to brunch. Just. I think I still came over to my folks house on Mother's Day and Father's day with gifts and flowers early enough to make breakfast in bed for a good few years after I graduated college. At this time, I would have to beg my brother to come along to brunch - if he wasn't too busy. He usually was.
Both Mom and Dad had this guilt inspiring sigh that said 'Oh well.. guess he doesn't care. (referring to my brother) At least you're here.' Gee thanks. And from that moment on - it was my fate to make sure any and every occasion was properly recognised.
When I moved to Europe 8 years ago. I was still in the guilt grip of feeling like I had to make up for my brother not participating in family. I sent massive gift boxes to both Mom and Dad for their birthdays, Mother's day and Father's day each year. I would call as usual on the Sunday and listen to them opening the gifts and ooing and aahing over them.
No small amount of effort those boxes! Usually a shoe or boot box packed with anywhere from 5-9 wrapped pressies - try doing this for years without too many repeat items. Key chains, ties, pocket silks, perfume, scented soap, candies, exotic spices - you name it. I must be mad. But I think I compensate for my guilt of being so far away from them by trying to lavish them with goodies. It's a huge pain though. Now, sadly - but kind of gladly, my gift box production has halved due to Dad not being around anymore.
Mailing from Belgium can be hell. I have mailed things that have never arrived. I have mailed things that take 3 months and have had packages which arrive in 2 days - presumably by accident. Completely unpredictable. In order to use Belgian post, I have to plan well ahead and send the box early so it's there in time. A few times, the box hadn't made it until the day after or so. I could hear the guilt being manufactured in each syllable by my mother - 'it's all right...I don't need anything for Mother's day....' usually followed with 'it's not as if I will hear from your brother anyway...' Knife, now deep and twisting...Guilty as charged: I should have taken a day off work and mailed the package 13 weeks ago so Mom would not have to suffer so. Bad child!
So, this year, I was prepared. I planned a few weekends ago to do all my shopping, pack the box and get it in the mail nice and early. My plan would have worked beautifully if only I had not gotten terribly sick with a stomach virus. Really sick. I practically dragged by bed in to the rest-room. Sorry, but that's the only way to describe how sick I was.
So when Mom called to find out how I was, I said I couldn't do the shopping for Mother's day as I was so sick and the package wouldn't get there in time if I didn't. (I was hoping she would say 'forget it - Don't send me anything get better and don't worry about any of that') But she replied: 'Oh well, that's OK, Mother's day is still ages away. You have plenty of time...' Yes she did. And she also said. 'I am sure I won't hear one word from your brother....'. Knife, deep, twisting. got...to... get... out...of death...bed and shop for chocolate, perfume, marmalade, crap...send ...to...mother.
No, sorry. too sick.
As I lay there dying (not really) - I decided I would fed ex the package at the last moment and buy myself some time. You would think....
I set the fed ex box out yesterday to be picked up. Fed ex man came. rejected the package as it said these were gifts including food (chocolate, candies, olive oil some other stuff). In order to ship food to USA - one had to make 4 copies of a pro forma invoice itemising the contents and sign each copy. He left and I did as told and had to call them for another pick up. He came later that afternoon and very reluctantly took the package.
Fed ex is the company with the line 'When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight' right? Well, good news everyone! My package has made it to the USA.... But fed Ex called and the FDA is holding it because I did not register for a Prior Notification that I was shipping food for import to the USA. It's a fucking mother's day gift, you would think I was trrying to send a warehouse full of olives and sun dried tomatoes for crap's sake!!
I was informed that I had to go to the FDA Registrar Corp website and register myself and then get confirmation numbers for each item of food I had sent - for which I needed prior notification. Really. This never ever happened when I sent parcels through the regular Belgian post. Fed ex must be too organised and scrutinised. Damn.
So I do all this extra stuff. Close to 2 hours of paperwork and phone calls etc. I had to pay another $14.95 for the registration by the way...And as I am about to log off this web site, I catch some fine print at the bottom of the screen. FDA Registrar Corp assists businesses with FDA compliance. FDA Registrar Corp is not affiliated with the US Food & Drug Administration. A brilliant money-making ruse. Damn. I bet one can go directly to FDA site and get registration and Prior Notice stuff without paying...I bet Fed Ex gets a slice of the fee...damn. What a pain. Grr.
I have done all I can. If Miss 'Me Myself and I' doesn't get her Mother's day box on time then so be it. I have tried. If my brother doesn't call, it won't be a surprise. If she tries to make me feel guilty, I will not let her. I can only do my best.
Life really is like a box of missing Chocolates. You pretty much know what you're going to get.
posted by Brussels Confidential @ 12:56 PM
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