Brussels Confidential

I am woman - hear my power tools roar

I just had a beautiful weekend with a man I totally love, but can never have.

He's a hottie at 6 foot 6, shaved short- blond hair with green eyes and a cheeky smile, intelligent and well read - exactly what sends my adrenaline pumping overtime. He's a good friend too, the kind who sits up with you and talks all night, cares about the things that move me, wants to share also. We've known one another for about 8 years and have bonded through a mutual person who is no longer in our lives. Though he would deny it in mixed company, this ex-rugby player is a totally romantic sweetie pie: the holding hands and cuddling type.

I took off Friday to get a breather from work and to let the stress ease out of my face before Mr. Totally Handsome came to town. I had to look good you know. I even took Bunny dog to camp so I could have a dog walk-free weekend.

Needless to say, Brussels Confidential got her groove on and enjoyed every minute of the weekend. He's so right and we just click. In many ways. OK, get me some ice....getting hot

He left on Sunday night and while I tried to be my casual self and shrug off the feeling of being cut off from oxygen, I didn't do such a good job. I was more than a bit mopey for the rest of the night.

I try to do my 'single gal at 43' thing - you know, the stoic 'I like my life the way it is' thing. 'I don't need a man in my life' thing.

And the honest truth is I do like my life the way it is. I love my life and I actually love myself (big surprise there hey?) But goodness gracious wouldn't life be just grand if I could have the one person I really want when I want them? Just once I want it to work out my way.

I know that all of the living and experience and baggage and hurt and love and ups and downs make me and everyone else who we are, those are what makes the fiber of ourselves. I never think to myself, 'gee if I had met that person 20 years ago, things would have been perfect'. That would be crazy - we wouldn't be the same people we are now. Maybe we wouldn't click like we do now. The same with people who divorce, life changes people. Maybe the exact situations we find ourselves in make us who we are at that time of life and that's what actually makes us click with one another- total chemistry of the moment - no matter how inconvenient the situation may be.

Oh well.

Luckily, I had taken Monday off too. I went to sleep quite late on Sunday in my mopey state and I slept until 10 am Monday - the deep sleep of release. Re-dreaming of the weekend and smiling. I woke fresh and happy. Confident - well, why not? I'm pretty great!

I drove out to get Bunny Dog at camp about an hour away - blasting B-52's along the way. 'Roam if you want to'. I shall.

I Got back home and with all of my energy re-focused, I started to tackle the garden.

Whenever, I get over an attack of vulnerability I like to march out the garden tools and redefine my self confidence. The mower, the strimmer, the hedge trimmer, the clippers, the secateurs. Gloves, eye goggles, boots. All the control, in my hands the power to define and shape and conquer.

Ahh. I am single woman at 43, hear me roar!

posted by Brussels Confidential @ 1:30 PM