Heffalump Hot
What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.
- Jane Austen
It's crap hot again today. Europe wasn't built for this kind of heat. I am ever so elegantly seated at my desk in the office with my shoes off and a fan 12 inches from my face. Empty plastic water bottles on the desk, floor, near the trash bin (failed 3-pointers), on my side table, on the 'guest' chair. Like some sort of water junkie's been hiding in here.
I am on the verge of buying one of these Belgian air conditioners. They look like heffalumps - waist high, giant lumps with round expandable exhaust pipes that flop out of the back of the machines. They are completely hideous and you have to find a perfectly round exit hole for the 400' degree heat that comes out of the exhaust pipe. And I mean SERIOUSLY hot environmentally damaging processed scorching air. They look like an appliance from the 50's. - or one of those dishwashers that you can roll up to the kitchen sink and plug in to the tap.
These babies don't fit nicely in a window like the ones in the states - they sit on the floor like a big useless side tables and generate mildly cool air. The issue is that over here, there's not really a standard window size. So many buildings have the original old window frames and new constructions have all sorts of square and rectangular units which flip this way and that - none of the vertical up and down variety where you can snugly fit an A/C unit. No one has perfectly round exit holes for the exhaust in the side of their houses and apartments - so if people have a heffalump, they have them hanging out of windows with all manner of cardboard and plastic and tape closing the gaps - no point in cooling the air off if you're letting in hot air at the same time. Or worse, piped back in to the hallway or stairwell - seriously.
I saw one apartment where the owners deliberately broke the window glass on their front window to make a reasonable exhaust hole for their heffalump. They have taped the rest of the cracked window together and it looks rather tentative. Really attractive too, I must say. And ever so safe...it's only above the busiest bakery in the neighbourhood - no worries there...
Hmm. There's a cat door already installed in my kitchen. It's round and would work p-e-r-f-e-c-t-l-y! Bunny Dog would love it! He could go about his usual daily routine of sleep, sleep, wait for his dog walker, go for walk, drink water, sleep, sleep some more, afternoon nap, sleep, start waiting for me to come home etc. - and he would be as cool as a cucumber. Instead of doing all that panting and drinking tons of water. (he's ok on the cool tiles downstairs) But still, I won't buy it.
What's stopping me you say?
1. As much as I am suffering in this heat, it's Belgium. It's not going to last long. One day in mid-August you will hear and smell a weird feeling in the air - and you will know, that winter is coming. Happens every year.
2. Because these things give off an alarming amount of heat in the effort to cool people down, it seems to be a terrible waste - does it make sense to sizzle more ozone just to stay a bit cooler? (For sick and elderly - yes)
3. These things are fugly. Really bad looking things - and I don't have room for another lump of an appliance in my kitchen - yeesh
On the way home, I am going to stop at Metroshop. It's a paradise. It's got ALL Sorts of wild stuff. Like a mixture between a really well stocked Rite Aid and a PX - never know what's going to be in there next time you go. And it's right at the Metro so you can get your stuff and hop on the subway -easy peasy. I want a really big plastic container - big enough to act like a mini wading pool for Bunny dog and me and but NOT an actual wading pool which would attract the attention of the screaming monkey children next door....
Who's up for a bit of wading in cool water in the garden tonight?
:-))
posted by Brussels Confidential @ 1:42 PM
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