Office Bla Bla
I deal with a lot of different companies and I am exposed to their company office lingo. To me the over-use of bla bla business language only makes people sound as if they don't have a clue. Office bla bla-itis is not limited to IT geeks (who have an inter-galactic language anyway) but is the distinguishing feature of those business professionals who want to sound more intelligent and more important than they actually are.When did the political(head in the sand)comment 'cautiously optimistic' (used by politicians, warmongers, diplomats and presidents) come in to the professional business arena? Who used it first in a board meeting? Who thought, it will be clever to actually respond to a business review or progress on an action plan by saying 'I am cautiously optimistic that this will work'? Grr. I hate pansies! Lay it on the line dude (dudette)! What does cautiously optimistic actually mean? Are you trying to:
1. Hint to everyone that you know we will screw up, but since you're a nice guy, you'll give us the benefit of the doubt?
2. Prove what everyone at the table thinks already - That you weren't paying attention?
3. Prove that you are Master of the Universe? (You know who you are, Shlomo)
4. Begrudgingly admit that we did a good job, but you're not actually enough of a man or woman to acknowledge that so you throw in the 'cautiously' bit?
OR
5. Show-off your new-fangled, 'ripped from the headlines' office lingo?
Personally, I think it's all of the above. And what's the opposite of cautiously optimistic? Dangerously pessimistic? Can't wait to hear that one... I will laugh out loud.
'Alignment' seems to be a hot word lately. One customer I work with can't finish a sentence without using the word. 'We need to get alignment on this'. We should align on the points for the meeting'. 'Did you get alignment with the Manager about this schedule?'. Sadly, what 'alignment' means to this customer is in no way related to 'agreement' but rather a one word translation for - doing ONLY what the customer wants - no discussion, no exception.
'Word tracks' - when someone said this I almost fell off my chair. I am sure it's old stuff, but I first heard it a couple months ago. She used it like this. 'You should provide some word tracks to support your team when they interface publicly.' What she meant was: 'Tell your employees what to say when they answer the phone'. Otay Buckwheat.... Thanks. So glad you explained it in a professional, I wanna be 'The Apprentice' way. Geez. Save your energy for thinking of something important to do...
I do have one customer who actually says things like 'We need to interface vis-a-vis the projected spend allocations and streamline the bottom line - stat' He's a hunk, so I imagine being cornered by him in the copy room and he's whispering these saucy things in my ear. Then I snap out of it and realise he's seriously saying those exact words but actually trying to tell me they can't pay their bill and want to work something out.
I've gotta go...I have to prepare some word tracks for a conference call to align with a manager on a project that I'm cautiously optimistic about completing on-time. Bla bla bla
posted by Brussels Confidential @ 9:59 AM
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