Food TV Addict
It's getting out of hand. The amount of foodie TV on BBC is overwhelming. And the real problem is that I love it. I love it too much. I'm addicted. I can't get enough. Last night's scheduled programming - a foodie TV overdose.
Last night I watched, The Hairy Bikers food tour of Britain, Nigel Slaters' simple suppers, and back-to-back episodes of Master Chef: The Professionals. When 11pm came around - I was in a food TV coma.
I watched over 50 plates of food being prepared on TV last night. Made my head spin!!
And for goodness sake, how do you decide what to make for dinner when watching all those options?
I can't remember half of what I do at work. But I do have incredible brain capacity for two things - in this order.
1. Food - What I ate for dinner last night or anytime in the past, what I am going to make for dinner tonight, what is in my fridge for dinner, what is in the cupboards for dinner and anything really, related to dinner....
2. I know every item of Gap clothing from between 1989 and 1996 - (1000s) and in which collection they first appeared. I know! It's a gift! My favourite collections being 'Lifeboat' - for it's class and jaunty weekend elegance and 'Picnic'- for being the most entertaining, garish crap anyone has ever spent money on.
I digress...
Back to number 1. In the back of my head, I always have a complete inventory of the ingredients in fridge and what I want to cook, serve and eat for dinner. I subconsciously prepare dinner in my mind while multitasking at work - women can do this...So for dinner last night, I had planned to simply roast the two little birds in my fridge (Cornish game hens) with an apricot glaze. Then I started watching foodie TV.....which led me to consider the following cooking options
Spatchcocked grilled and served with Portuguese pepper sauce
Moroccan stylee in my lovely tagine - Ras el Hanout and cous cous
Stuffed with wild rice and served with mushroom sauce
Glazed with reduced pomegranate juice
Roasted with oranges and Fennel
Roasted with thyme under the skin served with orzo and pine nuts
on and on
Well. Needless to say - the silly birds are still in my fridge! I couldn't decide what to do with them and eventually it was too late to cook and eat. Plus, I was glued to the TV anyway.
Now, don't get the idea that I just sit there all night eating and that I am getting to be the size of Jabba the Hut!! I am not! Last night, like many nights, I did my work-out DVD between The Hairy Bikers and Nigel Slater...and of course, I took Bunny Dog for his evening constitutional. Tonight I shall go bike riding too.
I have a lot of work to do today - in the back of my mind I will be planning a sumptuous and sensual supper for Saturday night...
Sexy Food
Regularly, I make food for someone I refer to as my 'food boyfriend'. He's an ex (truly) but we are still tied to one another through our mutual love of good food. He's the best eater I know and completely appreciates the effort that goes in to each meal. He 'gets' me in a food way not many people do. He understands my need for a challenge and to show off and cook as a way of showing love.
When I ask him what he wants for dinner, he knows not to ever say the words 'oh, anything' or 'whatever you like'. That's non committal. That's an answer from someone with anything other than food on their minds. And if you know me, you know that's not the right answer. I want specifics. I want to know exactly what would make your heart beat faster in anticipation of the meal. I want to know what you have been craving. Because for me, feeding the need, the desire, is what gives me a buzz.
I also like the challenge. Although sometimes I get a bit caught out. Not with technically tough things as I usually prepare well in advance, but with those dishes I think I can whip out in no time after work! The other night - great example. A seafood lasagna. Technically - easy peasy. Time and effort... nightmare. Prep a lot of seafood (including shrimp) , make enough bechamel for an army, assemble lasagna, grate cheese etc. Make salad, prep garlic bread. I was exhausted by the time the lasagna went in the oven. It was worth it though. It tasted delicious. And most of all, it was appreciated and loved. And bonus - only one pan to clear after dinner!
This Saturday night I have offered to cook a sensuous meal for another friend. He gets the foodie thing too. He's a good cook himself. He's suggested things he likes. Things he wants. Good start....
Did you catch the word 'sensuous'up there? Sure you did. Now, exactly what I meant by that, I don't know. I don't know why I said it. I'm not thinking the
9 1/2Weeks kind of thing - spread-eagled on the kitchen floor having whipped cream and jars of condiments poured over me and slurping raw oysters off each other's bums - although I guess that depends on how much Champers we drink....
I have learned the hard way that cooking in lingerie is seldom a good idea...I wasn't planning on blindfolds or anything kinky like that...I haven't rented
My Dinner with Andre or
The Last Tango in Paris or anything. I won't do strawberries in chocolate like served at a white trash wedding on Valentines day. I think I'll just make some damned nice food and serve some damned nice wine and enjoy the appreciative company.
Maybe I'll visit the jungle drawer for some inspiration...
Wonky
Every once in a while things go wonky. I've just had a wonky week - although I am scared to use past tense for fear that wonky is still a present tense situation....
Names of the 4 rabbits in the children's story The Tale of Peter Rabbit kept running through my brain this week. - you know: Flopsy, Mopsy Cottontail and Peter.
I was Flopsy - I fell down a couple times and at times felt like a rag doll with no muscles - therefore flopsy. Last Sunday, I slipped on a lovely 'gift' Bunny dog left for me in the middle of the stairway. I crash landed on my lower ribs and back, and then thumped down step by step. It was one of those falls where you have to sit for a few minutes to determine whether or not you're seriously injured. The bruise is still tender to the touch.
I felt pretty wobbly and flopsy for the rest of the week largely due to that. This week I ever so slightly lost control of a couple scallop shells filled with scallops, bechamel sauce and cheese topping, I couldn't possibly drop them and have a clearable mess to clean up. Not me, I awkwardly manhandled and mis-ballanced them all the way down my legs trying to stop them from hitting the floor by pinning them between my thighs and the kitchen counter. A huge mess. And like a Mr. Bean episode.
I knocked glasses off tables, I dropped bags, boxes, papers, pens, full cups of tea, turned over bowls of cereal and spurted yogurt all over myself when opening a pot the other day. I bought a super jumbo pack of light bulbs so I wouldn't run low and dropped them by accident on the pavement right outside the shop.
I was Mopsy - well, you can't have a flopsy week without being mopsy. I had to mop the downstairs floor 6 times this week. Between my flopsiness and Bunny Dog's dogginess I couldn't win. So it was really OK when the cap split off the bottle of floor cleaner and splashed all over the house - needed it anyway.
I was Cottontail - I went out on Saturday night with friends. I had 'it' that night. That special something that works like a man magnet once in a while - I clearly thought I was the cutest and hottest bunny out there. (And I was fer shur) Everyone loved my dancing and I was surrounded by 5 good looking men all evening (I was).
That was me!! Sweet loveable Cottontail by night!!
The next morning however, more like - horrendous, monster, screeching,
Cotton-MOUTH. URF. wa, wa-t, wa-, wat, wat-er .....gasp.
On to Peter. There's nothing to tie in to Peter unless the guy Cottontail was chatting up at 2 in the morning at Archiduc the other night was named Peter...but I don't think so. (Think it was something horrifying like Guido- no offense to people named Guido, but you know...). Beer goggles should be illegal don'tchya think?
So that's the story of my wonky week. I am sorry to tell you I just tripped in the office, fell on to my desk and broke my favourite tea cup, and my mobile phone just died. Wonky's not over yet.
