Monday, March 17, 2008

Rain on my Parade and a Blood Orange Bonk

This weekend the Fete de Chien Noir was held on Avenue Georges Henri. The annual street fete is held on Saturday and Sunday. The fete is made up of many amusements for children (jupiter jumps, merry go rounds, bungee trampolines etc) and hundreds of stalls hawking everything from cut rate beauty goods and potholders to artisanal wild board sausages. It runs the stretch of Georges Henri all the way from Boulevard Brand Whitlock to the cemetery park at the foot of the hill.

On the Sunday, there is a parade - which is actually the Cavalcade for the Chien Noir. Every year a few scraggly bands make it down the crowded street, hopelessly separated from one another and having to fight the crowds that fill in the gaps between bands as they slowly move down the hill. There are a few bands with oompa loompa sounding horns and military inspired costume designs that look as if they once proudly represented the commune but since have lost a bit of their sparkle. The band members throw blood oranges to the crowd. Not sure what this symbolises, but they do. As always, the Brazilian band is next to last and all you can see are pink and white feather plumes bobbing up and down over the sea of heads. The beat of the drums reverberating down the street and the whistles and screams of the noisemakers. The final act is a car-drawn wagon containing a few jester type clowns and of course some poor soul dresses as a black dog. The jesters throw oranges to the crowd as well. Some rite of spring I guess. The whole mess goes down the hill and turns around and slowly makes their way back up.

As usual, I had invited a few friends over to wander the fete. I usually have people to my place for coffee and then we wander out the door and down the street as the fete is literally steps from my home. One very lovely friend arrived at my door with an armload of iris, pink Gerber daisies and lots of wild flowers and greenery as a spring gift for me. He always gets it right. Unique, warm and thoughtful - Mr. Flowers.

Though the day was grey and a bit foreboding, the clouds held and it wasn't too cool. We wandered down the hill and eventually had to stop at a cafe at the bottom for a beer and to give Bunny Dog a chance to chill. So many people, children, dogs and noise. He was a bit overwhelmed. We finished our beers and wandered back up the hill stopping for various fete foods to share on our way - we had tiny fried fish served in cones with a tarter styled sauce - they tasted like salty popcorn shrimp but looked like mini goldfish. We shared a sloppy but required doner kebab, we snarfed a sausage roll with sauteed onions among us, nibbled a couple spring rolls from the Vietnamese tent, some ate funnel cakes, and a few sugar spun peanuts.

We stopped at artisanal tables and my friends got thinly sliced smoked wild boar, Ardennes salamis, jams and speciality wines to take home.

As we came made it to the last block we anchored ourselves to a great table outside a local pub and waited for the last few bits of the parade to pass. Mr. Flowers was awfully funny and very attentive. All my friends having a great time - no one really paying attention to the clouds.

The Brazilian band inched up the street throwing confetti in the air, their drums a cacophony of noise. All the parade watchers shaking their hips, clapping their hands to the beat or whistling. Bunny dog and several others were barking but could barely be heard. As the thick of the crowd surged pass the table and the noise was at it's height, several things happened.

1. A blood orange hit me in the forehead with a painful zing
2. Someone knocked our table leg and all the wine and beer poured on to me
3. The heavens opened up and dumped masses of water on us

Luckily, I live so close it was not a big deal to run home. I let everyone in and got them fresh towels and they turned on the music, made themselves at home and then looked at me and started to laugh.

I had a big red spot on my forehead where the orange had whacked me and I was drenched head to toe, smelling like a brewery and covered in paper confetti!

Mr. Flowers wrapped me in a towel and kissed my forehead.

I went up for a quick hot shower and when I came down, my friends had laid out a table with sliced ham, foie gras, pate, several cheeses, fresh bread, grainy mustard, fruit, wine, beer and all sorts of lovely little things like pickled onions, cornichons and onion confit.

We listened to music, Watched the rain fall. Cuddled on the sofa and chairs with warm throws we talked and talked and shared wine and stories.

So there was rain on my parade and I got bonked with an orange. Life is still wonderful.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Stupid


Eggheads is a quiz programme on BBC where a team of 5 seasoned quiz experts go head to head against 5 novices. Price money is £1,000 per match and the money rolls over to the next match if the Eggheads win. Which they usually do.

The Eggheads are 3 men and two women who have all had a measure of success in the world of TV quizzes. The crusty and dorky team members Daphne, Chris and Kevin have won Brain of Britain and Master Mind various times. CJ and Judith hail from more showy and commercial game shows - like 15 to 1 and Who wants to be a millionaire? (Judith did).

About 4 months ago, a team of nerdy university students beat the eggheads after 74 shows and walked away with £75,000. The nerdy team's questions were not all that hard but all it takes is one question that the Eggheads just don't know and their bridges come tumbling down. If I recall correctly, they lost on a question regarding Udon Japanese noodles - I think the Eggheads said Udon was a dumpling. Oh well.

The questions range from the completely inane and easy to the completely bizarre and obscure. Which I guess the producers think is the key to fast moving yet competitive and compelling games.

OK - so last night there was a group of 5 women on to challenge the Eggheads. They were all midwives from some health centre. The team chose their contestant for the Geography round very quickly and lightly. She wanted to go against CJ. She chose to go first. The Question was - The American Islands of Hawaii lie in which Ocean? (really, I swear) The answers to choose from were: Arctic Ocean, Pacific Ocean and Indian Ocean. I am not kidding. That was the question.

The woman actually hemmed and hawed over the answer. Every person in the studio was in amazement that this woman was struggling with the answer. I mean - come ON!! This woman is presumably an educated, middle class Brit who has enough knowledge to assist in child birthing techniques... Hello. Unless someone is from a remote village in the Amazon rain-forest, or completely mentally disposed, illiterate and/or suffering from rabies, anyone from a 3rd grader on up knows where Hawaii is. It's like the coolest thing about US geography and smack in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Look, I don't think many Europeans know much about most US states (just like Americans know shite about European geography - don't argue with me - tell me what countries are now part of the former Yugoslavia???) But Universally - European - and Especially Brits know 5 key things about the USA.

1. That Elvis is alive and well in Memphis and you can see his 'grave' at Graceland, 2. Anything and Everything about 'Vegas'
3. New York City (No idea there's a state called New York though)
4. Disney World is in Florida and Disneyland is in California - they have been to each 16 times - without children
5. The state of Hawaii is a group of Polynesian Islands in the Pacific Ocean put there for Honeymoons

OK - so this complete moron of a woman actually contemplated the Arctic Ocean, but then decided that it 'sounds too cold and Hawaii sounds warm'. WTF??? Then she finally came to her decision - Indian Ocean......

You could hear a pin drop in the studio - The host didn't actually know what to say... You could tell he was ready to say 'it' in his deep game show presenter voice...'Ohh...Sorry June, that's not the right answer, nice try though! We have enjoyed having you on the show, but you are the most stupid pile of dog poo we have ever encountered! Goodbye and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!!'

How stupid can stupid get?? Pretty stupid as it turns out.